THE BACHELORETTE: Crazy Train!

Monday night we had the girls over for another ridiculously fabulous episode of The Bachelorette to watch Jillian and her eight remaining bachelors board a train from Whistler, British Columbia to Banff, Alberta.

I wanna start off by talking about the guys that were sent home. Poor Robby. All alone in the Canadian wilderness. And I thought the city bus dismissal was bad! This show is beyond cruel. However, I actually think I'd be more prone to laugh than cry if it were me watching the other guys wave goodbye from the window.

I'm sure you'll all agree that Tanner totally signed his own death sentence when he unzipped those pants. I still can't get the visual of his crotch out of my head. What was he thinking? The best part was Jill's commentary. "Although it was huge, I didn't need to see it..." You took the words right out of my mouth Jill!

And poor Jake. I'm sorry you were sent home. But truly, it's not you, it's just that you and Jill aren't a match. But...if you're into set-ups, my roommate Katie's available and she thinks you're HOT!!!

And now for a little breakdown on the guys who will be taking Jillian to meet the parents on some hometown dates...

MICHAEL (Astoria, NY): The girls and I were glad to see Michael stay. There is just something about him that is so charming. His sense of humor is to die for, and I think the hometown would not be as fun without him. Although...I did question Jill's motive. Jill, are you sure you didn't just want to do a little NYC shopping while you're there? Either way, I'm glad Michael stayed.

WES (Austin, TX): There are no words vile enough to describe this filthy excuse for a human being. He's the one that deserved to be left by the side of the train! Did you hear the things that came out of his mouth last night? Allow me to remind you: "I'll always have Jill wrapped around my little finger, ya'll. Believe it." And how can we forgot this gem: "I got my publicity, and now if I want I can stay and try to get the girl." What a scum bucket. Jill, you are truly retarded if you can't see through all of his B.S. Good luck to you and your messy divorce if you choose him. All I can say is "Don't mess with Texas!"

JESSE (Carmel Valley, CA):I'm sorry if you're a Jesse fan, but I'm not. Booooring. Just not my kind of cute either. Anyway, you might find it interesting to know that he's been living on my friend's couch in LA for the last little while. Speculate all your want about that. I'll have my people do a little more investigating.

KIPTYN (Encinitas, CA): Jillian is definitely still diggin' on Kip. And who wouldn't? He may be the world's most awkward on-camera kisser, but dang is he HOT! I seriously hope he makes it all the way to the final two.

REID (Philadelphia, PA): I was a little nervous when the other guys on the train were describing Reid as being weird and neurotic. I happen to think he's funny, charming, and maybe a little quirky. I think they're all just jealous of the connection he has with Jill. And to be honest, whenever I see Reid my ears turn red. Isn't that weird? It's probably just high blood pressure. Oh, and Reid, when in doubt...ALWAYS wear those glasses. So hot!